Ask something worth asking, and I'll reply with something worth replying.
So yeah, I could be prettier, I could be slimmer, I could be happier, ‘Less dramatic’, I could be less annoying, have a nicer voice, I could play guitar better than I do right now, I could draw better, I could be one of those girls with the big boobs, and the thin waist, I could take pictures in bikini’s and post them on facebook, I could be a slut, I could look at other guys and think, ‘ooh i’ll call him up later’, I could cheat.
But I love my life, it is so so so much better than before, I do not feel any need to seek attention.
Going to keep myself to myself from now own, I’m going to set up a secret blog, which no one, completely no one will have access to, and yeah I may blog on here from time to time. I just don’t want anyone to know what’s going on in my head any more. (This sounds a bit dramatic) I actually feel like no one gets me at all. So until the day I actually meet a soul mate that gets how I feel, I’ll just keep myself to myself, and try not to be too over the top for people’s liking.
I’ve tried living life as myself, and acting how I want to act, but I don’t think that is going to work any more.
But generally my life is heading the way I want it to head.
I’ve started working on my ep which should be out after new years.
I am happy.
Oh Rio, Rio dance across the Rio Grande
I want to curl up in a ball and sleep forever,
I wish I was up there with you, my little one
even though I never met you, I miss you so much <3
Well after looking at pictures of me on my 18th, and looking at pictures of me now… the answer my head is telling me, is a deffinate no.
Need to cut the crap out. I may be happy now, but happy shouldn’t mean fat..
I won’t let myself get fat.
Damn I want a sandwich so bad :(
So far I have loved the uni lifestyle. There is nothing more I could have really wished for, my course is actually perfect for me. The lectures have given us the freedom and the responsibility that an artist should get in the real life job grown up world, the first assignment is about Greek and Roman architecture which I already have a fascination for!
I have made quite a lot of new friends, seeing as there are 100 ish people on my course, I have tried my best to talk to as may people as I can, and introduce myself. I seem to have made a little group of friends, and so far everything has been dandy, but yesterday was the first real day of being in separate groups and classes, and of course, my luck, they are in different classes, so yesterday I spent my research and studio time in my little cubicle in the studio, with out the girls there, With my head phones in trying to draw pillars and friezes. I felt quite lonely as I went to the canteen, everyone had blank expressions, which was a lot different to the first few days, where everyone seemed happy to see another person, now it seemed that they hated seeing new people. I ate my BLT sandwich in my cubicle whilst listening to fleet foxes, and then decided that I should go home around four.
Today, I decided it was probably best to stay in, as I have developed five large mouth ulcers over the course of the last week, and today I woke up and could not open my mouth. So i have basically done naff all, all day, apart from sort out my ipod, which was in all fairness in dyer need of sorting out, as my sister had vandalised it by putting all her shitty music on to it! On the up side, I spoke to Morgan on the phone for the first time since he left for uni. It was so nice to hear his voice, he’s the only person that seems to know how I am feeling even if I don’t say anything. He’s my closest friend, and I’m missing him a lot. We didn’t speak for long, only about ten minutes, and then he said he had to go, because his flat mates were calling him. He’s gone out on a proper night out in Bristol. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried, or nervous, but I trust him, I have no reason not to trust him. Also, I need to get used to this, as he is going to be going out a lot over the next three years.
I guess the past seven month have been a blur, we have been wrapped up in our own little bubble, sure we had college for a few months, but as soon as that finished, and I basically moved in with him, everything else seemed like it didn’t matter. We were happy and that was all that mattered, I never really took the time to think about what could happen when we both went to uni.
I’m glad I didn’t though, and just enjoyed the time I spent with him. I really hope that we can last a few more moths at least, because I have never met anyone that understands me on the level that he does. He makes everything from the past seem like someone else’s fucked up life, and that I’m just remembering scenes from a movie, not my own life.
I feel so happy to be with someone that I can trust, and that can trust me. It makes our lives that much easier!
I started off this post a bit sad, because I miss him, but now I feel that I can get through it. Expect more of these random posts over the next three years!